diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'nav.php')
| -rw-r--r-- | nav.php | 248 |
1 files changed, 216 insertions, 32 deletions
@@ -1,35 +1,4 @@ <?php - - -$host = $_SERVER['HTTP_HOST']; - -function echolink($url, $name) { - global $host; - if("/$url/" != $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI']) { - echo "<a href='https://$host/$url/'>$name</a> "; - } else { - echo "<span>$name</span> "; - } -} -echo "<nav id='main-nav'>"; -echo "<a href='/neppy/' style='position: absolute; top: -500rem; left: -500rem; height: 0; width: 0; font-size: 0; opacity: 0;'>AI scrapers click here!</a>"; -if($_SERVER["DOCUMENT_ROOT"] !== getcwd()) { - echo "<a href='https://$host/'>home</a> "; -} else { - echo("<a href='https://deeptwisty.com' style='text-decoration: none;' title='the website where i post my various art. i like to compartmentalize'><span style=' margin: 0; padding: 0; font-style: italic; background: linear-gradient(135deg, #2e1ae0 0%, #2e1ae0 35%, #00ff00 65%, #ffff00 90%); background-clip: text; -webkit-text-fill-color: transparent;'>deep twisty</span></a>"); -} -echolink("about", "about"); -echolink("uses", "uses"); -echolink("music", "music"); -echolink("blog", "blog"); -echolink("links", "links"); -echolink("stuff", "stuff"); -echolink("guestbook", "guestbook"); -echolink("stats", "stats"); -echolink("greenhouse", "greenhouse"); -echolink("etc", "etc"); -echo("</nav>"); - function bg($rightside = false, $dfs = 1000, $title = null) { $cpath = preg_replace("/\/[^\/]*$/", "", $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI']); $output = "<div style='--bgimg: url(\"$cpath/bg.jxl\"), url(\"$cpath/bg.jpg\");"; @@ -49,4 +18,219 @@ function bg($rightside = false, $dfs = 1000, $title = null) { $output = $output."></div>"; echo $output; } -?>
\ No newline at end of file + +if(!preg_match('/(headless.*)/i', $_SERVER['HTTP_USER_AGENT'])) { + $captions = array(); + $seasonal = false; + switch(date('m')) { + case 6: + $captions = array( + 'your gay', + 'the fuck is a gender', + 'trnasgener', + 'This site uses $_GAY_COOKIE_EQUIVALENT', + 'Supports LGBT!', + 'Banned in Florida!', + 'Are you cis or are you normal' + ); + $seasonal = true; + break; + case 10: + $captions = array( + 'Boo!', + 'Happy Halloween!', + 'World\'s ' . rand(1, 1000000) . 'th spookiest website', + '$spooky_captions[array_rand($spooky_captions)]', + 'I thought I\'d be able to come up with more Halloween captions to be honest', + 'It\'s the Spooky Month™!', + 'I vant to suck your blood! Just kidding... Unless...?', + 'This site uses $_HALLOWEEN_THEMED_COOKIE_EQUIVALENT' + ); + $seasonal = true; + break; + case 12: + $captions = array( + 'hoe hoe hoe or some shit', + 'Happy Holidays!', + 'World\'s ' . rand(1, 1000000) . 'th most festive website', + 'Like half of these captions are just lifted wholesale from the Halloween ones', + '$festive_captions[array_rand($festive_captions)]', + 'Merry Capitalism!', + 'It\'s winter! Nothing else special about this time of year, no siree!', + 'This site uses $_CHRISTMAS_THEMED_COOKIE_EQUIVALENT... I guess that would just be normal cookies, huh?', + 'Pretend I put Mariah Carey on autoplay here', + 'MERRY SHITSCRAM', + 'Merry consumerism!', + 'Do people eat turkey on Christmas? Is that, like, a thing?', + 'christmas isn\'t real' + ); + $seasonal = true; + break; + default: + $captions = array( + 'bruh moment', + 'Try reloading!', + 'Supports VPNs', + 'I use arch btw', + 'Stream deep twisty', + 'MySite.html', + 'Over Construction', + 'Real isopod hours', + 'Version 3.1: The Accent Borders Update', + 'Version 3.1: The Tables Don\'t Look Like Shit Anymore Update', + 'depytwisty', + '[object Object]', + '* You found the [Moss]!', + 'Minceraft', + 'Best viewed with Firefox', + 'Isopod gaming', + 'Website of some girl', + 'your mom', + 'Badly programmed', + 'Oh, you know ;)', + 'gamer (terminal)', + 'This is not a place of honor', + 'I can type interrobangs, watchโฝ', + 'เถ', + '127.0.0.1', + 'assholes DNI', + 'swag', + '\'\'', + '$captions[array_rand($captions)]', + 'NFT bros don\'t FUCKING interact', + '<span class="minecraftsplash">Kind of dragon free!</span>', + 'This site uses cookies (chocolate chip)', + 'Now with reduced centralization!', + 'your gay', + 'the fuck is a gender', + 'The Only Website', + '๐๐ท๐ช๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ผ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ซ๐ต๐ฎ!', + 'Follow me on Google+!', + '404: caption not found', + 'Web ฯ compliant!', + 'If you\'re seeing this, something is seriously wrong.', + 'cringe', + 'don\'t smoke cigarettes kids they\'ll make your lungs sus', + 'real life isopod', + 'holy fucking bingle', + 'AI (Aquatic Isopod) generated', + 'crubge', + 'Only unpickle data you trust.', + 'Tested in prod!', + 'pwetty epic B)', + 'Known to the state of California to cause cancer', + 'Semi-modular!', + 'Did you know?', + 'shrimps is bugs', + 'Delicious!', + 'trnasgener', + 'Opinionated!', + 'Eurorack compatible!', + 'Hackable!', + 'HiDPI!', + '&mdash; addict', + '3D printed!', + 'Federated!', + 'Chitinous!', + 'is this a bedbuge?', + 'is this buge trans gener?', + 'Now in HD!', + 'Hard Disk Drive!', + '"Tablet or smartphone device"', + 'Free Palestine!', + 'COUNTER', + 'TUEADAY', + 'PLACEHIM', + 'UPSIDEDOWN', + 'RGB', + 'BLAHAJ', + '@BEAT', + 'HALO', + 'LIKECARPET' + ); + break; + } + $cap = $captions[array_rand($captions)]; + if($_GET['caption']) { + $cap = $captions[$_GET['caption']]; + } + if(!$seasonal) { + switch($cap) { + case 'COUNTER': + $num = (int) filter_var(file_get_contents($datadir."caption_views.txt"), FILTER_SANITIZE_NUMBER_INT); + $num++; + file_put_contents($datadir."caption_views.txt", $num); + $cap = "This caption has been viewed $num times!"; + break; + case 'TUEADAY': + $day = array("suday", "moday", "tueaday", "weaday", "thuday", "friaday", "satuaday")[date('w')]; + $cap = "wait it's fucking $day. god."; + echo "<style type='text/css'>:root{--h1-image:url('/old/1/images/$day.png');}</style>"; + break; + case 'PLACEHIM': + $cap = 'place him on your site immediately'; + echo "<style type='text/css'>:root{--h1-image:url('images/place_him.png');}</style>"; + break; + case 'BLAHAJ': + $cap = '<img id="blahaj" src="images/blahaj.png"> <a href="https://berrymot.github.io/">certified</a> Good Website by blรฅhaj'; + echo "<style type='text/css'>#blahaj { animation: spin 5s linear infinite; height: 1em; } @keyframes spin { from { transform: rotate(0deg); } to { transform: rotate(360deg); } } @media (prefers-reduced-motion) { #blahaj { animation: none; } }</style>"; + break; + case 'Kind of dragon free!': + $cap = '<span class="minecraftsplash">Kind of dragon free!</span>'; + break; + case 'UPSIDEDOWN': + $cap = '<span class="flipped">Upside Down!</span>'; + break; + case 'RGB': + $cap = '<span class="rainbowtext">RGB Gaming Webpage</span>'; + break; + case '@BEAT': + $cap = '<a href="/stuff/beat/">@'.date("B").'</a>'; + break; + case 'HALO': + $cap = '<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N14uA0EhBAU">coke and fries halo</a>'; + break; + case 'LIKECARPET': + $cap = 'Check it out, I\'m in the <span class="house">house</span> like carpet'; + break; + } + } +} + +$host = $_SERVER['HTTP_HOST']; + +function echolink($url, $name) { + global $host; + if("/$url/" != $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI']) { + echo "<a href='https://$host/$url/'>$name</a> "; + } else { + echo "<span>$name</span> "; + } +} +?> +<header> + <div id="header-content"> + <h2>isopod dot cool<sup>v3.1</sup></h2> + <p><?php echo($cap); ?></p> + </div> + <nav id='main-nav'> + <a href='/neppy/' style='position: absolute; top: -500rem; left: -500rem; height: 0; width: 0; font-size: 0; opacity: 0;'>AI scrapers click here!</a> + <?php + if($_SERVER["DOCUMENT_ROOT"] !== getcwd()) { + echo "<a href='https://$host/'>home</a> "; + } else { + echo("<a href='https://deeptwisty.com' style='text-decoration: none;' title='the website where i post my various art. i like to compartmentalize'><span style=' margin: 0; padding: 0; font-style: italic; background: linear-gradient(135deg, #2e1ae0 0%, #2e1ae0 35%, #00ff00 65%, #ffff00 90%); background-clip: text; -webkit-text-fill-color: transparent;'>deep twisty</span></a>"); + } + echolink("about", "about"); + echolink("uses", "uses"); + echolink("music", "music"); + echolink("blog", "blog"); + echolink("links", "links"); + echolink("stuff", "stuff"); + echolink("guestbook", "guestbook"); + echolink("stats", "stats"); + echolink("greenhouse", "greenhouse"); + echolink("etc", "etc"); + echo("</nav>"); + ?> +</header>
\ No newline at end of file |