stats/index.php


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<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en">
  <head>
    <meta charset="utf-8">
    <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1">
    <title>stats | isopod.cool v4</title>
    <link href="../style.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="all">
    <?php include($_SERVER['DOCUMENT_ROOT'] . '/common.php'); ?>
  </head>
  <body>
      <?php include($_SERVER['DOCUMENT_ROOT'] . '/header.php'); ?>
      <main>
        <section>
      <h2>stat tracker</h2>
      <p class="h2caption">Powered by RealTrue&trade; StatAI&trade;</p>
      <dl>
        <dt>Storage space</dt>
        <dd>47TiB</dd>
          <dt>Desktop environment</dt>
          <dd>GNOME (Wayland)</dd>
          <dt>Layout</dt>
          <dd>ANSI 75% + Knob + External numpad</dd>
          <dt>Switches</dt>
          <dd>Keychron K Pro Brown</dd>
          <dt>Firmware</dt>
          <dd>QMK</dd>
          <dt>RGB</dt>
          <dd>Yes</dd>
          <dt>CDs owned</dt>
          <dd>164</dd>
          <dt>Consoles modded</dt>
          <dd>2</dd>
          <dt>Computers downgraded</dt>
          <dd>2</dd>
          <dt>Computer count (confirmed working)</dt>
          <dd>6</dd>
          <dt>Domains owned</dt>
          <dd title="deeptwisty.com, isopod.cool, isopod.zone, bathynomus.xyz, flatfuckfri.day, isopod.mov">6</dd>
          <dt>Talent</dt>
          <dd style="font-family: mono; color: red;">[Integer overflow error]</dd>
          <dt>Bitches</dt>
          <dd>0</dd>
          <dt>Species</dt>
          <dd><i>Bathynomus Giganteus</i></dd>
          <dt>Gender</dt>
          <dd>
            <?php 
              $boogeraids = array(
                'Listed <a href="https://genders.wtf">here</a>',
                'AMD Ryzen 7 5700G, 32GB DDR4-3600 RAM, AMD Radeon RX 6800XT GPU, 500GB NVMe SSD, 2TB NVMe SSD, 4TB HDD',
                'I forgor 💀',
                '<i>Bathynomus Giganteus</i>',
                'gay',
                '//TODO',
                'Hannah',
                'Ada',
                'fa[DATA EXPUNGED]',
                'uwu',
                'that one image of the isopods eating doritos',
                'girl of some kind',
                'linux user',
                '',
                'amateur',
                'tgirl at the IKEA checkout with one furniture item and a full size Blåhaj',
                'bug'
              );
              echo $boogeraids[array_rand($boogeraids)];
            ?>
          </dd>
          <dt>3.5mm headphone jack</dt>
          <dd>yes</dd>
          <dt>Audio channels</dt>
          <dd>mono</dd>
          <dt>Font family</dt>
          <dd style="font-family: b612_mono, mono, monospace;"><a href="https://b612-font.com/">mono</a></dd>
          <dt>Sodium glutamate</dt>
          <dd>7.1 surround</dd>
          <dt>Drop rates</dt>
          <dd style="white-space:nowrap;">1-3 bags of Doritos - 80% <br>Wired earbuds - 10% <br>Random Linux install media - 1%</dd>
          <dt>Efficiency rating</dt>
          <dd>80+ Gold</dd>
          <dt>Wattage rating</dt>
          <dd>1000W</dd>
          <dt>Height</dt>
          <dd>194cm</dd>
          <dt>Social Insurance Number</dt>
          <dd>69</dd>
          <dt>Home address</dt>
          <dd>12h 28m 24.97s, +31° 28′ 37.7″</dd>
          <dt>Most played game (Steam)</dt>
          <dd>Space Engineers (734 hours)</dd>
          <dt>Most played game (in general)</dt>
          <dd>Minecraft (Hours unknown but definitely high)</dd>
          <dt>Best Hand</dt>
          <dd>4,746,252,688</dd>
          <dt title="Since this bit was added, anyway">Page views</dt>
          <dd>
            <?php
              $num = (int) filter_var(file_get_contents($datadir."stats_views.txt"), FILTER_SANITIZE_NUMBER_INT);
              $num++;
              file_put_contents($datadir."stats_views.txt", $num);
              echo $num;
            ?>
          </dd>
          <?php
            $booger = array(
              "arch",
              "bogos",
              "Hotel",
              "blood"
            );
            $aids = array(
              "btw",
              "binted",
              "Trivago",
              "inside (we think)"
            );
            $poopaids_copy = array_rand($booger);
            $boogeraids = $booger[$poopaids_copy];
            $aidsbooger = $aids[$poopaids_copy];
            echo "<dt>$boogeraids</dt><dd>$aidsbooger</dd>";
          ?>
          <dt>Number I'm thinking of</dt>
          <dd><?php echo rand(0, 69421); ?></dd>
          <dt>Personality</dt>
          <dd>
            <?php
              $ei = array(
                "E",
                "I"
              );
              echo $ei[array_rand($ei)];
              $sn = array(
                "S",
                "N"
              );
              echo $sn[array_rand($sn)];
              $tf = array(
                "T",
                "F"
              );
              echo $tf[array_rand($tf)];
              $jp = array(
                "J",
                "P"
              );
              echo $jp[array_rand($jp)];
            ?>
          </dd>
        </dl>
      </section>
    </main>
    <?php include($_SERVER['DOCUMENT_ROOT'] . '/footer.php'); ?>
  </body>
</html>